I severely underestimated how I would feel leaving my child for a month.
I knew I would be sad and miss Noah, but the heartache I felt was indescribable. It was beyond “missing” him, because I had so many fears being away from him like: “was he going to forget me? if something bad happened to him, how would I ever forgive myself? would he ever forgive me?” So many other fear-induced thoughts I struggled to fight off. I constantly reminded myself that the whole point of my absence was to expand my horizons, so that traveling abroad will second nature for Noah.
Then my worse fears were confirmed when I returned. Although he didn’t forget who I was, he treated me with resentment. Can you believe it!?! My own son, the person I carried for 9 months and experienced near death to give him life…giving me the cold shoulder. He was sooooo touch & go with me the first 2 days. I broke down.
I instantly regretted my choice to leave. All the positive things I gained from my trip didn’t matter at all, because Noah hated me. I decided to meditate to ease my anxiety. Then I just did what I felt compelled to do; I cooked for him everyday, breakfast, lunch and dinner and by the third day it was like I never left him. Thank God.
Then there was this:
When I left he was a baby, I came back to a full toddler.
I left him a week before he turned 1, when he was only taking a few steps and whatnot. But four weeks later, this kid is walking all over the place, shaking his head no, waving bye-bye, giving kisses, and trying to talk. I’m just in awe. Who is this wonderful little creature?
But on that note, the tantrums have also started. When he wants things, he wants them NOW. So when things don’t operate at a pace Noah finds suiting, the screaming and throwing starts. What am I supposed to do about this? I’ve literally just been saying to him in a low scary voice, “patience is a virtue” or threatening to not feed him (lol only joking 😉 ). I was under the impression that these antics wouldn’t start until the terrible twos. Someone lied to me. (So if you have suggestions please share!!)
All in all, motherhood is full of surprises.
All the things I call myself prepared for only make room for the thousand things I’m unprepared for. But it’s fun.
Tips for traveling mums: be brave, be diligent and take advantage of opportunities that you may think are impossible. Not only will they grow you, but your child will appreciate your sacrifice when they are older and can understand. And the other great part is that they won’t even remember your absence if they are young enough. My biggest take away in traveling without my baby is that the world puts limitations on young moms but it doesn’t take away your choice. Your world is as big or as small as you make it.
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